Abusive Parenting and Childrearing Practices

Until the mid-1970's, however, the perpetuation theory of abuse lacked supporting empirical data. From an empirical perspective, the question still remained: What percentage of abused children become abusive parents as a result of their early childhood maltreatment?

A major stumbling block in compiling empirical data to support the theory was the lack of a specific behavioral definition of parental abuse and neglect. Put in behavioral terms: What do abusive parents do that nonabusive parents do not do? The answer to this question is critical to developing effective programs and strategies to assess, treat, and prevent abusive parenting practices. To identify and categorize the known behaviors of abusive parents, Bavolek and colleagues (1979) reviewed articles, books, and media programs and interviewed professionals known for their expertise in treating child abuse and neglect. The analysis of the information garnered from these sources distinguished four patterns (constructs) of abusive and negligent parenting. These constructs are discussed in the following sections.

Inappropriate Parental Expectations of the Child

Many abusive parents have unrealistic expectations of their children's developmental skill level. Steele and Pollock (1968) found that parents in their study group expected and demanded their infants and children to behave in a manner that was developmentally inappropriate for their ages. Such parents expect more from their children than is reasonable for their developmental states. For example, they might expect an infant to be toilet trained by age 6 to 12 months, a toddler to be able to talk before the age of 2, and young children to help with housework and food preparation or to care for themselves or younger siblings in the absence of adult supervision.

Inappropriate expectations stem from abusive parents' own inadequate perceptions of self and from a lack of knowledge about the capabilities and needs of children at each developmental stage. The effect of inappropriate parental expectations on children can best be characterized as a stressful environment that negatively impacts the children's self-worth (Greven, 1990). Martin (1976) suggests that when children are unable to meet these expectations, biologically or cognitively, they perceive themselves as failures who are worthless, unacceptable, and disappointing to adults. Perry (1997) notes that a lack of critical emotional experiences and persisting traumatic stress leads to a dramatic alteration in the brain's modulation and regulation capacity. This change is characterized by an overdevelopment of brain stem and midbrain neurophysiology and functions (i.e., anxiety, impulsivity, poor affect regulation, and motor hyperactivity) and an underdevelopment of limbic and cortical neurophysiology and functions (i.e., empathy and problem-solving skills).

Lack of Empathy Toward Children's Needs

A second common trait of abusive parents is the inability to be empathically aware of their children's needs and to respond to those needs in an appropriate fashion (Steele, 1975). According to Goleman (1995), empathy builds on self-awareness; the more open individuals are to their own emotions, the more skilled they will be in reading feelings.

Empathic awareness of a child's needs entails a parent's ability to understand the condition or state of mind of the child without actually being able to experience the child's feelings. To empathize as a parent is to participate in the child's feelings and ideas (Rowen, 1975). Stern (1987) refers to the process of recognizing, accepting, and reciprocating a child's emotions as "attunement," which he contends is critical for a healthy, nonabusive parent-child bond. Abusive parents often ignore their children because they do not want to "spoil" them, with the result that the child's basic needs are left unattended (Steele, 1975). They place a high premium on the child being "good," acting "right," and learning to be obedient. However, what constitutes good and right behavior is seldom clarified. At the extreme end of the scale, these parents are violent, cruel, and physically or psychologically abusive under the guise of teaching, helping, and controlling.

The effect of inadequate empathic parental care during the early years of life is profound and enduring (Steele, 1975). Children who are ignored and whose basic needs are neglected often fail to develop a basic sense of trust in themselves and in others (Martin, 1976). Children who live in a world of parental neglect, where they are not permitted to make demands on the parents who place high value on obedience and acting right, have little or no basis for learning respect for rules and for distinguishing right from wrong. When children are taught to obey orders, they do what they are told to do because they are told to do it rather than because the behavior has intrinsic value. Such children often fail to develop confidence in themselves and in their basic abilities. Acting their age often means complying with the demands of the parents rather than testing reality (exploring their environment, challenging boundaries, saying no).

Parental Value of Physical Punishment

The third behavior common among abusive parents is a strong belief in the value of physical punishment. Abusive parents often believe babies should not be "given in to" or allowed to "get away with anything." They believe that their children must periodically be shown "who is boss" and made to respect authority so they will not become disobedient (Steele, 1975). Abusive parents not only consider physical punishment a proper disciplinary measure but also strongly defend their right to use physical force.

Physical attacks by abusive parents are not often haphazard, uncontrolled, impulsive discharges of aggression toward their children. To the contrary, studies appear to indicate that abusive parents use physical punishment as a unit of behavior designed to punish and correct specific bad conduct or perceived inadequacies. Much of what abusive parents find wrong with their children reflects the behaviors for which they were criticized and punished as children; hence, the punishment carries the approval of traditional family authority and an aura of righteousness.

The effects of physical abuse on children are often demonstrated in their subsequent behavior. Straus (1991) found that the use of corporal punishment led to the probability of deviance, including delinquency in adolescence and violent crime inside and outside the family in adulthood. In examining the effects of abuse and neglect on the optimal development of the critical areas of the brain in young children, Perry (1997) found that abused and neglected children tend to have 20 to 30 percent smaller limbic and cortical areas of the brain. These regions of the brain regulate emotional response and attachment, which in turn lead to the expression of empathy towards others.

In addition, children who see and experience recurrent episodes of serious violence in their own families learn and believe violence is a useful way to solve problems. On becoming parents, these children tend to punish their own children more severely. Thus, abused children often become abusive parents (Straus, 1991).

Parental Role Reversal

The fourth common attribute of abusive parents is a need to reverse parent-child roles; that is, the children are expected to be sensitive to the parents' needs and responsible for much of their happiness (Martin, 1976). Steele (1975) describes this role reversal as the parent behaving as a helpless, needy child who looks to his or her own children as though they were adults who could provide parental care and comfort.

Ackley (1977) states that potential abusers both seek and shun intimate relationships. They may seek intimacy to obtain what is missing in their relationship with their parents, which leads them to define a close relationship as one in which, similar to a child, they can obtain emotional support and warmth without giving much in return; and depend on their partners to solve the problems of living that adults are called on to solve. Alternately, they may shun intimacy because their earliest childhood attempts at intimacy with their parents were seen as failures. The early failures at achieving intimacy may suggest that close relationships are dangerous, doomed to produce disappointment, and a threat to self-esteem because people cannot be trusted.

According to Ackley, the behavioral outcome of this complex set of feelings is that potential abusers replicate their earlier childhood experiences and marry individuals who are less able than most to provide emotional support and then expect their children to give them the love they have been missing all their lives. They soon learn that the early stages of parenting involve giving, not taking, and, as a result, experience only more disappointment. These parents attempt to manipulate and structure the family interactions in an effort to meet their own needs. They see their children as "inadequate" and, in their frustration, beat, chastise, belittle, or ignore the children.

Although the phenomenon of role reversal is often associated with an inability to be empathically aware of children's needs, the two behaviors are markedly different. When abusive parents fail to show empathic awareness of their children's needs, the children are often left to care for themselves. Carried to the extreme, the children are emotionally or physically neglected or abused. They are not, however, expected to assume the role of the "nurturing parent." In a role-reversal situation, children are an integral part of the family functions, often becoming a source of authority, control, and decisionmaking.

The effect of role reversal on abused children is destructive. Children who assume the role of responsible parent fail to negotiate the age-specific developmental tasks—forming close relationships with loved ones, developing a sense of trust, developing a separate sense of self—that must be mastered if they are to achieve normal development. A child's failure to perform any one developmental task not only hampers development in succeeding stages but further reinforces feelings of inadequacy. Children in a role-reversal situation exhibit little sense of self and perceive themselves as existing only to meet the needs of their parents.