Current efforts focus on saving marriage by making divorces more difficult to obtain and by requiring proof of acceptable grounds for divorce. This movement is problematic when the marriage is filled with spousal abuse. Saving marriages by restricting women's freedom is especially problematic for minority women. Courts and other agencies may regard some women as hardened by harsh treatment, able to withstand more abuse, and therefore not deserving of freedom from an abusive marriage through divorce. The life of the character Mem in Alice Walker's book "The Third Life of Grange Copeland" reflects the reality of domestic violence. Mem is a black women who barely escaped poverty through her education. She later became hardened by her husband's harsh treatment, stayed in the abusive relationship, and lost her life at the hands of her husband. This article's author also experienced verbal and emotional abuse and occasional physical violence in her own marriage. The inadequate response of helping agencies and her church's silent reaction were also hurtful. However, a legal services attorney told her that obtaining a divorce would be difficult for a black woman whom some would regard as tough and hardened by the ongoing struggle of being black and female. However, violence should no longer be acceptable; all women need to claim for themselves lives free of abuse. Footnotes