The substantive theory reported in this study offers some new understandings about the possible course of violent intimate partner relationships. Specifically, the findings show how some relationships become nonviolent and couples begin living differently. The key to whether it is possible for a couple to live differently hinges on the abusive partner’s response to a woman’s efforts to establish personal autonomy and take control. The findings suggest that the processes counteracting abuse and taking control are very similar to actions taken by women who leave their abusive partners. The difference is that partners in this study did not respond by escalating their abuse; rather they backed off, did not interfere, ceased their physical abuse, and in some cases began to invest in the relationship. For some women, coexisting in a violence-free relationship was satisfactory; for others, investing in an improved intimate partner relationship was essential for sustaining living differently. This theory provides direction for women who are working toward living differently with partners who are no longer violent, and for their helpers. These findings contribute to the theoretical understanding of how abusive couple relationships may evolve over time. Theoretical understanding of abusive intimate partner relationships has ignored relationships that have become nonviolent. This study consisted of interviews with a sample of 27 women whose relationships had become nonviolent. Using the constant comparative analysis of grounded theory, the study generated a substantive theory, shifting the pattern of abusive control with three sub-processes: counteracting abuse, taking control, and living differently. Tables, references