The book examines the psychological dynamics of victims and perpetrators of rape, sexual abuse and domestic violence. It seeks to determine: how victims become victims and sometimes perpetrators; how to break the psychological pattern of perpetrators blaming others and victims blaming themselves; how victims and perpetrators view their actions and reactions; and how societal response to them facilitates patterns of excuse. Some theories, excuses and psychotherapies strip victims of their power and perpetrators of their agency, and thus deprive them of the means to human dignity, healing and reparation. The current practice of painting victims as pure innocents may actually help perpetrators of abuse shirk responsibility for their actions. The book clarifies the social cost of letting perpetrators off too easily, and points out the dangers of over-emphasizing victimization, two problems that eclipse the need for accountability and recovery. Notes, index