POWER AND CONTROL WHEEL
The Power and Control Wheel depicts an abusive relationship. At its core lies power and control surrounded by 8 tactics used by batterers. A thick border labeled "Physical, VIOLENCE, Sexual" encircles the wheel and its contents. The eight tactics follow in clockwise order:
Making her afraid by using looks, gestures; smashing things; destroying her property; abusing pets; displaying weapons.
USING EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Putting her down; making her feel bad about herself; calling her names; making her think she's crazy; playing mind games; humiliating her; making her feel guilty.
Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, where she goes; limiting her outside involvement; using jealousy to justify actions.
MINIMIZING, DENYING AND BLAMING
Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn't happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior; saying she caused it.
Making her feel guilty about the children; using the children to relay messages; using visitation to harass her; threatening to take the children away.
USING MALE PRIVILEGE
Treating her like a servant; making all the big decisions; acting like the "master of the castle"; being the one to define men's and women's roles.
USING ECONOMIC ABUSE
Preventing her from getting or keeping a job; making her ask for money; giving her an allowance; taking her money; not letting her know about or have access to family income.
USING COERCION AND THREATS
Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her; threatening to leave her to commit suicide, to report to welfare; making her drop charges; making her do illegal things.
The Equality Wheel depicts male/female interactions in a healthy relationship, where at its center/core lies equality surrounded by 8 non-violent characteristics. A thick border labeled "NON-VIOLENCE" encircles the wheel and its contents. The eight elements identified are as follows, in clockwise order:
Talking and acting so that the she feels safe and comfortable expressing herself and doing things.
Listening to her non-judgmentally; being emotionally affirming and understanding; valuing opinions.
TRUST AND SUPPORT
Supporting her goals in life; respecting her right to her own feelings, friends, activities and opinions.
HONESTY AND ACCOUNTABILITY
Accepting responsibility for herself; acknowledging past use of violence; admitting being wrong; communicating openly and truthfully.
Sharing parental responsibilities; being a positive non-violent role model for the children.
Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work; making family decisions together.
Making money decisions together; making sure both partners benefit from financial agreements.
NEGOTIATION AND FAIRNESS
Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict; accepting change; being willing to compromise.
|Chapter 9 Domestic Violence