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IMPORTANCE OF THE ROLE OF

MILITARY CHAPLAINS AND OTHER CLERGY

IN SERVING VICTIMS OF CRIME

Americans' primary source of help for problems

1960's Study

42% Clergy

29% General Physicians

17% Psychiatrists

10% Other Mental Health Professionals

2% Other

25 years later (after Community Mental Health)

34% Clergy

28% Community Health Centers

Lesser percentages in each of all

other disciplines

Percentages do not necessarily apply to chaplains.

From all indicators, and depending upon the particular command, it is estimated that well over 50% of military personnel see chaplains as primary source of help.

DEFINITIONS

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is that treatment of a child which results in injuries caused by hitting, pushing, whipping, biting, punching, slapping, or burning. Injuries include bruises, burns, welts, cuts and bone and skull fractures.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse is any person, adult or child, forcing, tricking, threatening or coercing a child to have any kind of sexual contact with her or him. It may range from intercourse by rape or incest to touching inappropriately and exposure.

DEFINITIONS

(Continued)

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is excessive verbal assault (belittling, screaming, threatening, blaming, using sarcasm), unpredictable responses (inconsistency), continual negative moods, constant family discord and double-message communication.

Physical Neglect

Physical neglect is failure to provide a child with adequate food, shelter, clothing, protection, supervision and medical and dental care.

CHILD NEGLECT

• Most Frequently Reported



• Character Disorders of Neglectful Parents

• Apathy - Futility Syndrome

• Impulse Ridden



• Many Children - One Dysfunctional Parent

• The other "takes up slack"



• Neglected Child -- Both Parents or his/her only parent are Dysfunctional or He/She Has Parent Exhibiting Neglectful Parent Characteristics

NEGLECTFUL PARENTS

Less

• Involved with others

• Able to plan

• Able to control impulses

• Confident regarding the future

• Verbally accessible

More

• Psychological psychosomatic symptoms

• Socially isolated

• Isolated from helping networks

(Informal/formal)

INDICATORS OF POSSIBLE

CHILD NEGLECT

Child's Appearance

• Consistently dirty, unwashed, hungry, or inappropriately dressed



• Without supervision for extended periods of time or when engaged in dangerous activities



• Constantly tired or listless



• Has unattended physical problems or lacks routine medical care



• Is exploited, overworked, or kept from attending school



• Has been abandoned

NEGLECT INDICATORS

(Continued)

Child's Behavior

• Is engaging in delinquent acts (e.g., vandalism, drinking, prostitution, drug use, etc.)



• Is begging or stealing food



• Rarely attends school

Caretaker's Behavior

• Misuses alcohol or other drugs



• Maintains chaotic home life



• Shows evidence of apathy or futility



• Is mentally ill or of diminished intelligence

• Has history of neglect as a child

CHILD PHYSICAL ABUSE

Usually related to "discipline"

(trying to enforce behavior)

Generally inflicted when caretaker is out

of control

Often caused by failure to understand stages of child development

(expectations beyond child's capability)

More frequent when caretaker's primary method of training is physical coercion

More likely when control takes precedence over nurture

INDICATORS OF POSSIBLE

PHYSICAL CHILD ABUSE

Child's Appearance

• Bruises or welts on body or face

• Burns (particularly a burn that shows the shape of the item used, such as an iron, stove burner or cigarette)



• Fractures



• Lacerations and abrasions (especially around the mouth, lip, eye, or external genitalia).



• Human bite marks

Child's Behavior

• Wary of physical contact with adults

• Demonstrates extremes in behavior (either extreme aggressiveness or withdrawal)

• Seems afraid of parents

• Reports injury by parents

PHYSICAL ABUSE INDICATORS

(Continued)

Caretaker's Behavior

• Has history of abuse as a child

• Uses harsh discipline inappropriate to child's age, transgression, and condition

• Has performance expectations which are beyond the age capabilities of the child

• Offers illogical, unconvincing, contradictory, or no explanation of child's injury

• Seems unconcerned about child

• Significantly misperceives child (e.g., sees child as bad, evil, a monster, etc.)

• Psychotic or psychopathic

• Misuses alcohol or other drugs

• Attempts to conceal child's injury or to protect identity of person responsible

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

Myths

1. Sexual abuse of children is rather rare

2. Most molesters are "dirty old men"

3. Most child sexual abuse is by strangers

4. Primarily in rural and lower socio-economic backgrounds

5. Not likely in religious families

6. Should not talk with child about it for fear of frightening

7. Most takes place in isolated, deserted areas

8. Adolescents should be held accountable for encountering sexual assault

INDICATORS OF POSSIBLE CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

Child's Appearance

• Has torn, stained, or bloody underclothing



• Experiences pain or itching in the genital area



• Has bruises or bleeding in external genitalia, vagina, or anal regions



• Has veneral disease



• Has swollen or red cervix, vulva, or perineum



• Has semen around mouth or genitalia or on clothing



• Is pregnant

INDICATORS OF POSSIBLE

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

(Continued)

Child's Behavior

• Appears withdrawn or engaged in fantasy or infantile behavior



• Has poor peer relationships



• Is unwilling to participate in physical activities



• Is engaging in delinquent acts or runs away



• States he/she has been sexually assaulted by parent/caretaker

INDICATORS OF POSSIBLE

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

(Continued)

Caretaker's Behavior

• Extremely protective or jealous of child

• Encourages child to engage in prostitution or sexual acts in the presence of caretaker

• Has been sexually abused as a child

• Is experiencing marital difficulties

• Misuses alcohol or other drugs

• Is frequently absent from home

RESPONSE TO DISCLOSURE

OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

1. Listen to the child and take seriously what she/he says.

2. Stay calm.

3. Thank the child and reassure that it is not her/his fault.

4. Take immediate steps to protect the child.

5. Report the suspected abuse immediately.

6. Continue to give support as the child goes through the child protection system.

7. Have the child seen by a physician.

RESPONSE TO DISCLOSURE

OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

(Continued)

8. Find a professional in the field or a colleague to talk to. This person should definitely commit to holding confidentiality.

9. Find out if the court is going to recommend treatment for the child. Make contact with the therapist and offer to cooperate.

10. Continue to offer the child the emotional support she/he needs.

11. Take steps to assure that the sexual abuse does not happen again.

CHILD EMOTIONAL ABUSE -

DEFINITION AND DYNAMICS

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

• Verbal or emotional assault

• Close confinement

• Threatened harm

EMOTIONAL NEGLECT

• Inadequate nurturance/affection

• Knowingly permitting maladaptive behavior (Example - delinquency)

• Refusal to provide essential care

PRESENT IN OTHER FORMS OF CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT

COMPONENTS

• Rejecting

• Isolating

• Terrorizing

• Ignoring

• Corrupting

CONTINUUM OF PARENTAL BEHAVIOR

INDICATORS OF POSSIBLE

EMOTIONAL MALTREATMENT

Child's Appearance

• Emotional maltreatment, often less tangible than other forms of child abuse and neglect, can be indicated by behaviors of the child and the caretaker.

Child's Behavior

• Appears overly compliant, passive, undemanding
• Is extremely aggressive, demanding or enraged
• Shows overly adaptive behaviors, either inap-propriately adult or inappropriately infantile
• Rocks, sucks thumb, is enuretic
• Lags in physical, emotional, and intellectual development
• Attempts suicide

Caretaker's Behavior

• Blames or belittles child
• Is cold and rejecting
• Withholds love
• Treats siblings unequally
• Seems unconcerned about child's problems

MANDATE TO REPORT

All states now have a mandated Child Abuse Reporting Law

Military requires reporting to Family Advocacy

The list of Mandated Reporters generally includes:

Law Enforcement Personnel

Medical Practicioners

Day Care Operators

Teachers (Public and Private Schools)

Therapists and Counselors

School Administrators

Group Home Personnel

Social Workers

Photo Processing Stores & Labs

In some states clergy are also mandated.

In most, as well as in the military, exceptions are made because of privilege of confidentiality.

However, if clergy person also falls under one of the above categories, he/she is mandated.

There is, however, a moral obligation to report in order to protect the child.

PRIVILEGE OF CONFIDENTIALITY

IMPERATIVE TO REPORT

The conflict: Protecting Children (intervention in abuse) vs. Maintaining Confidence

If indicators are observed (vs. Being revealed in pastoral consultation) no violation of confidence in reporting

Question: What to do when revealed in confidential pastoral counseling setting?

Conflict of Ethics:

Ethics of maintaining confidence vs. Ethic of reporting to protect the child

Scriptures place high emphasis upon the welfare of child (Matthew 18:2-6)

CONFIDENTIALITY (Continued)

Range of Religious Positions

on Confidentiality

Roman Catholic, Episcopal, & Eastern Orthodox -- Confessional churches

Excommunicated if information told in

confession is revealed

Many Protestant & Free Churches

"Maintain all confidences"

Jewish -- Not a confessional faith

Disclosure for safety of victim important

Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) "No disclosure without permission,

or if the person is perceived to intend great harm to self and others"

Note: Other denominations are now establishing similar directives in their pastoral conduct procedures.

Difference between secrecy and confidentiality

Secrecy -- Never disclose

Confidentiality -- A trust shared only with

permission or in the interest of person involved. (Note: New transparancy T-60 follows this transparancy.)

MYTHS (M) AND FACTS (F)

M Only in small percentage of population

F 28% of all marriages

90% go unreported

M Not as frequent in middle or upper class homes

F - Every race, religion, socio-economic background, and profession

- More "poor" battered women in shelters because of lack of resources

- Wealthier victims -- more to lose if they report

M Alcohol abuse causes violence

F 40 - 80% of the time alcohol is a factor

Alcohol does not cause abuse -- lowers inhibitions so that abuser's nature more easily expressed.

MYTHS (M) AND FACTS (F)

(Continued)

M Abusers are "Psychopathic", "Sick", "Evil"

F

• May lead "normal" lives in all aspects except inability to control aggressive impulses

• Result of poor self-image

• Need to live up to society's image of masculinity

• Often charming and manipulative (either "very good" or "very bad")

M Victims are masochistic, provoke assaults, enjoy violence

F Male partners provoke violence 85% of time

Examples: Baby crying

Dinner not ready on time, etc.

Extent of violence - which escalates:

• Hitting in face

• Kicking in abdomen

• Throwing against wall

• Bones broken

• Eyes swollen

• Lips lacerated

MYTHS (M) AND FACTS (F)

(Continued)

M Some women deserve beating to keep them in line

• Historically men had both right and obligation to keep their "children, cattle and wives from transgressing"

• Women are not property

• No one has right to control another by violence

M Strong faith will prevent battering

F Depends on nature of "faith"

• Sometimes religion has been used to condone wife beating

M Shelters break up families

F Hospitals don't cause accidents. Violence breaks up families

A CYCLE OF VIOLENCE

Phase I

Tension

Building

Phase II

Explosion

Incident







Phase III

Regret/Hearts & Flowers

BATTERED WOMEN STAY BECAUSE

• Their childhood experience in controlled, authoritarian home



• They still love their husband -- hope they can change him



• They believe it is their responsibility to insure peace and success of the family



• They are socially and economically dependent on abusing partner



• They believe a violent father is better than no father at all



• Of scriptural injunctions against separation and divorce



• Of pastoral counsel that the family stay together at all costs

QUESTION:

Is a violent dysfunctional family wherein children are terrorized and emotionally traumatized a scriptural family?

AN OVERVIEW OF CHILDREN

WHO WITNESS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Children often appear:

• Sad, fearful, depressed and/or anxious

• Aggressively defiant or passively compliant

• To have limited tolerance for frustration and stress

• To become isolated and withdrawn

• To be at risk for drug and alcohol abuse, sexual acting out, running away

• To have poor impulse control

• To feel powerless

• To have low self esteem

• To take on parental roles

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Guidelines for Clergy

1. It occurs in most, if not all, congregations

2. Victims often try to conceal battery

3. Domestic violence is a crime -- cannot be tolerated

4. Requires specialized therapy

5. Ask the question -- usually not volunteered

6. Victims may open up with hints and indirection

7. Victims test to determine reaction

8. Listen to the victim -- affirm feeling

9. Challenge violence

10. Make certain that faith statements do not perpetuate the violence

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

11. Assist in looking for empowering solutions

12. See victim's safety as a high priority

13. Offer options:

• Individual counsel

• Support groups

• Career counsel

• Social services

• Shelter

• Legal aid

• Education

14. Let victim make the choices

15. Support victim's choices

16. Help victim discover resources:

Money - Friends - Relatives - Employment

17. Confront what is happening to children

18. Make it your goal to get victim in Domestic

Violence Program if possible

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

19. Continue support through the process

20. Assure confidentiality

21. Do not suggest marriage or couples counseling!

22. Give the victim time

23. Be prepared for frustration

24. Give Scriptural faith assurances - and encourage victim to draw upon God's strength

25. Learn your community's resources:

• Shelter programs

• Batterer's programs

• Self-help groups

• AA

• Therapists

• Prosecutor's Office

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CRISIS COUNSELING

• Do not go to the home

• Call police

• Ask if violence is over and how victim is

• Ask where children are

• Ask if she fears abuser will come back

• Does she have a safe place to go?

• How will she get there?

• Tell her of victim's programs (including battered women's shelter and victim/ witness assistance programs)

• Give emotional support

• Offer assistance with the process (with specialists)

CONGREGATIONAL ASSISTANCE

• Post-emergency Hot Lines and Shelter numbers

• Assist shelters with food, clothing -- volunteers

• Assist both victim and perpetrator with basic needs

• Assist with housing of a victim (only if recommended by shelter and treatment programs)

• Congregational exchange of homes

• Create a shelter

• Sponsor forums on Domestic Violence

• Subscribe to newsletters

• Form a study group on religious issues

RAPE -- SEXUAL ASSAULT

Definition -- Forced penetration by the penis or any object into the vagina, mouth or anus against the will of the victim.

Improvement over previous definition which defined rape as vaginal intercourse forced by a male on a female.

The act involves sexual activity because of genital contact, but it is committed to primarily fulfill non-sexual needs

• Power (control)

• Anger (hostility)

• Aggression (disposition to violence)

Rape can be committed in marital and dating relationships

Most frequently committed violent act

RAPE MYTHS

1. Rape is a crime of passion

• It is a crime of power and control

2. Women who are careful don't get raped

• High percentage (not majority) occur in home, workplace and school

3. Rape is impossible if the woman really resists

• Rapists usually has advantage of surprise and strength

4. Women secretly want to be raped

• Difference between romantic fantasy and violent reality -- no one wants loss of control

5. Rapist is usually a stranger

• Yes, according to BJS, but other surveys, particularly on college campuses, 84% knew offender, 66% date rape

6. Women invite rape by seductive dress

• Little correlation between attractiveness and likelihood of rape

7. If rape is imminent the woman should relax and enjoy it

• Compliance or nonforceful resistance are not necessarily deterrents to murder

8. Women "Cry Rape"

• Sexual assault one of most underreported crimes

IMPACT OF RAPE

Physical, Emotional, Psychological

• Immediate

• Fear, anger, outrage or
• Controlled style of response





• Initially

• Sense of disorganization
• Fear

• Shame

• Humiliation

• Degradation

• Guilt

• Anger

• Self-blame

• Revenge

• Mood swings

IMPACT OF RAPE

(continued)

• First few days or weeks



• Acute physical symptoms

• Soreness: stomach, arms, throat, legs

• Muscle tension -- disturbance of sleep

• Distressed, irritable, jumpy

• Affected eating patterns



• Long-term

• Difficulty returning to daily schedule

• Desire to change job/school/ residence
• Sleeplessness -- Nightmares
• Phobias
• Sexual concerns
• Trust issues
• Social isolation

STAGES OF ADJUSTMENT

Shock "I'm numb"

Denial "This can't have happened"

Anger "What did I do? Why me?"

Bargaining "Let's go on as if it didn't happen"

Depression "I feel so dirty and worthless"

Acceptance "Life can go on"

Assimilation "It's part of my life"

SEXUAL ASSAULT AND THE LAW

• Rape Shield Laws -- Past sexual relations inadmissible

• Victim Resistance -- Changes in law make it unnecessary for victim to prove resistance



• Redefinition of Rape -- Gender-neutral



• Changes in Penalty Structure -- Less possible to plead to lesser charge to avoid sexual connotation

FACTORS HAVING A NEGATIVE IMPACT IN PREPARING FOR COURT

• Pressure to drop charges
• Pressure to go through with court
• Delays
• Monetary and time costs

- To family and friends

- To victim

• Degradation
• Interview

- Questions and style

- Advice and explanations

- Pressures to either strengthen story or reduce to lesser offense

ACQUAINTANCE (DATE) RAPE

In our culture, men are socialized to believe that women do not really mean what they say.

Many of both sexes feel that certain behavior ("leading the man on") allows men to force sex.

Man may feel that the woman really wants it, but has to say "no" to be virtuous. If he pushes her, they both will get what they want.

Peer pressure to have sex on a date. Encouragement to "score".

Woman may fear that the man finds her unattractive if he does not initiate sex.

Man may tell woman he won't go out with her again if she doesn't have sex.

UCLA Study of Male Teen Attitudes

When it is O.K. to force sex:

54% If she said yes at first then changed her mind

39% If he spent a lot of money on her

54% If she "led him on"

36% If he is so "turned on" he can't stop

CLERGY - CONGREGATIONAL RESPONSE -- RAPE

• Remember, rape is an assault -- an issue of power and control more than sex



• Don't view rape in terms of seductiveness -- provocativeness/promiscuity -- proper dress and conduct



• Avoid tendency to blame the victim

• Immediately obtain medical and legal assistance



• Encourage prosecution



• Support victim through this entire difficult process



• Be prepared to deal with strong emotions -- the violation is intimate



• Bring positive spiritual consolation to counter guilt -- the crime was not her fault



• Assist with marriage and family issues. Use specialists



• The key word "Non-Judgmentalism

GENERAL CHARACTERISTICS OF ABUSED AND NEGLECTED ELDERLY PERSONS

Usually live in family environment with an adult child or other family member who abuses them.

May live in a care home which is failing to comply with state standards.

Overwhelming majority of abuse victims suffer from one or more disabilities making them vulnerable and service-demanding.

Often in some discomfort and in need of constant attention and in-depth care.

May need special diet, special hygiene care and demonstration of affection and caring.

May have history of family violence, alcoholism, drug abuse or other stress.

Inflation may be a threat to fixed income.

Caretaker may have limited income and use elderly person's income improperly for personal use.

INDICATORS OF ELDER ABUSE & NEGLECT

• Malnutrition



• Dehydration



• Frequent or multiple decubiti



• Poor personal hygiene



• Unclean clothes or bedding



• Withholding drugs by caretaker



• Untreated physical or mental health problems



• Inadequate heating or cooling



• Multiple injuries, burns or bruises



• Vague explanation of denial of obvious injury

ELDER ABUSE INDICATORS

(Continued)

• Exaggerated defensiveness exhibited by caretaker



• Over hostility towards client exhibited by caretaker



• Unwillingness to discuss problems in presence of caretaker

• Fearful of caretaker, but anxious to please



• Failure to meet basic subsistence needs despite adequate income



• Reliance on client's income by care-taker for personal needs



• Legal documents signed by caretaker when elderly person is capable or forced power of attorney

ELDER ABUSE

The role of pastors and congregations in prevention and protection

Reporting

Visitation

Escort and Transportation

Property Services

Financial Services

Support After the Abuse

Spiritual Counsel

DEFINITIONS

Robbery -- The unlawful taking or attempt to

take property that is in the immediate possession of another by force or threat of force.

Simple Assault -- Unlawful intentional inflict-

ing, or attempted inflicting, or injury upon the person of another without use of a dangerous or deadly weapon.

Aggravated Assault -- Infliction or attempt to

inflict serious bodily injury by means of a dangerous deadly weapon.

Burglary -- Unlawful entry of any fixed struc-

ture, vehicle, or vessel used for regular residence, industry or business, with or without force with the intent to commit larceny/theft.

Larceny-Theft -- Unlawful taking or attempted taking of property other than a motor vehicle (motor vehicle theft is a separate category) from another by stealth, without force and without deceit.

IMPACT OF BURGLARY ON VICTIM

Frustration because the crime is a low priority on police response.

Victim's strong desire to catch offender, does not seem to be as strong a desire on the part of law enforcement.

Insurance difficulties

Police report

Bids for replacement

Conflict over value of items

Delays

Loss of items of limited monetary value but great emotional value (treasured pictures & mementos -- irreplaceable).

Fear of repetition --

Loss of trust in others -- more suspicious

No legal resolution --

IMPACT OF AGGRAVATED ROBBERY ON VICTIMS

Loss of property

Injury

Shock -- Symptoms of post-traumatic stress

disorder

Ripple effects of the crime on family &

friends

Inconveniences caused by law enforce-

ment and court process

Sometimes lack of access to specialized

services

Spiritual challenges --

Lacks trust of others

What about forgiveness?

Children's relationship to peers & society

CLERGY AND CONGREGATIONAL RESPONSE

TO NEEDS OF VICTIMS OF

ROBBERY, ASSAULT AND BURGLARY

Do not under estimate trauma

Be aware of priceless nature of some apparently

inexpensive items -- mementos, etc.

Address the sense of disorder and violation

Theologically -- God does not always protect from

victimization, but is present in the pain to enable healing.

Help with insurance if the victim desires, but do

not take the attitude that insurance makes it right.

In extreme trauma (often caused by aggravated

offenses) refer to psychological counsel and/or support group.

Assist with victim compensation through local

victim/witness program

Use congregational resources to repair locks, put

in lighting, cover immediate expenses if loss of money, etc.

HOMICIDE (MURDER) - VEHICULAR HOMICIDE

Definition

Reckless or intentional taking of a human life by another

Comments

Nothing in life prepares one emotionally for this.

There is expectation of death at the end of a long life

Little or no expectation of death for youth or those in prime of life (except in cases of terminal illness -- then there is preparation time).

This Kind of Death

• Is sudden - stunning - overwhelming



• Has a dimension of cruelty or recklessness which compounds the sorrow



• Causes an acute sense of injustice - intensified by slowness and complexity of court process



• Is irrational

VIOLENT ASSAULT

(Particularly Homicide)

Normal stages of grief (per Kubler Ross) do not necessarily apply

Shock and suddenness cause reactions more like PTSD (even certain survival chemical changes)

Ministry needs to be to whatever emotion arises at the time, which may not necessarily be in the normal stages of denial, anger, powerlessness, depression and acceptance

Horror about suffering of victim

Preoccupation with survivors' personal loss

Attacks of panic

VIOLENT ASSAULT

(Particularly Homicide)

(Continued)

Faith Doubts:

"Why did God allow this to happen?"

"I want revenge, but I know that is not right."

"Where is the victim now?"

GRIEF

TRAUMA PRE-EXISTING

SPECIFIC CONDITIONS

PTSD

SYMPTOMS

REACTIONS TO DEATH

Denial - Anger - Powerlessness - Depression -

Acceptance

REACTIONS TO VIOLENT DEATH

• Turmoil and numbness -- Shock and confusion both mental and physical



• Inability to accept news or comprehend it



• Preoccupation with survivor's personal loss



• Horror about suffering of the victim



• Need to know every detail



• Attacks of panic



• Fixation on maintaining day-to-day routine -- sometimes shattered by outbursts of intense emotion

REACTIONS TO VIOLENT DEATH

(Continued)

• Restlessness and insomnia

• Inability to concentrate



• Flashbacks to death notification or imagined pictures of the event



• Fear for one's own life or lives of loved ones



• Self-blame for what survivor did to cause the event or did not do to prevent it



• Hostility to everyone who cannot bring victim back to life



• Utter hopelessness and helplessness

STRESS FACTORS

• Method of death notification



• Impact on other life changes



• Unwanted and untimely demands



• Necessary role changes



• Financial stress



• Misguided compassion

(*From NOVA Training)

"It's God's will"

"Your loved one is better off -- in heaven"

"God called him/her"

"You need to forgive the murderer"

"Pray for his redemption"

• Responses from families and friends

"Get on with your life"

"Forget about the past"

"Concentrate on the ones you have left"

UNIQUE STRESSOR -- CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM

Survivors want justice and a return to order.

Become angry with anything less.

• Some in justice system see this as wanting revenge.

• Survivor preceives failure of system if arrest or prosecution or penalty is slow in coming.

• Delays

• Barring from court procedures

• Failure to inform

• Hope for a plea bargain if there are evidentiary problems

• Disillusionment with plea bargain

• Problems with verdict

• Problems with inappropriate sentence

• Problems with appropriate sentence

• Victim impact statement

HOW TO BE OF COMFORT

Don't desert

Don't try to fix the pain

Listen with your heart

Accept all expressions of grief without censoring

Permit the bereaved opportunity to talk openly about the departed loved one

Remain available

Be sincere

FORGIVENESS

Timing is all important

Only when the victim will benefit

Only when the victim is ready

Affirm the victim. He or she may want to forgive, but can't

Assure that forgiveness is not forgetting

WHAT VICTIMS WANT TO SAY

TO CLERGY

Don't explain

Don't take away my reality

Stay close

Remember me . . . for a long time

Don't be frightened of my anger

Listen to my doubt

Be patient

Help me deal with forgiveness with integrity

WHEN PERMISSION TO REPORT

CANNOT BE OBTAINED FROM COUNSELEE

• Clergy person's ability to motivate individual to self-report is vital



• Therapeutic value of leading parishioner to self-report



• Call forth awareness of personal sin if the one who divulges is the offender



• Therapeutic use of "penance" and how it can motivate self-reporting (Reporting can even be a form of "penance.")



• Is guilt a good thing for motivation of change?



• Can the tool of discipleship be used?



• Clergy person could articulate the principle of "conscience."

The information on this page is archived and provided for reference purposes only.