The difference between a hit, absent coercive controlling tactics, and battering, is discussed in this article. Topics focused on in this article include: why it is important to talk about women's use of force now; who is a batterer and why it matters; why words matter; understanding women's use of force; researchers; what happens when battered women are arrested, including arrest policies and practices; who is getting arrested and under what circumstances; the criminal legal system response, including the police, defense and prosecuting attorneys, batterer's groups; and advocacy response. The author expresses concern that not all women who are convicted batterers are able to receive the support, counseling, and advocacy provided to victims by community-based battered women's programs. Also, those women who have not been convicted but are survivors of domestic violence and have in turn used force are not able to find space in battered women's organizations to talk about their own use of force. In conclusion, it is noted that if you are battered, you are not a batterer, or, you may use violence against your partner, but it takes more than mere violence to be a batterer. It is emphasized that practitioners need to find out if they are dealing with an ongoing victim of battering and figure out the appropriate response based on that information. Notes, references